it's hard.

I dont know what else to write. I just miss him. So much. It’s killing me and now im dying. Bi, can u just, dont know. I miss you i miss you i miss you so much biii.

It’s hard bi. Without you here everything seems getting haaaaaarder and haaaaaaaaaaaarder and haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarder and i dont know how to light it up.

 

These status made on Tuesday, 12th june 2012, at the first week he getting sick. At that day, mom was going to attend hadroh. Mom, at first, was kinda confused becasue she didnt want to leave my dad alone at home, but he told her to go by saying “I’m fine, you better follow that hadroh, i will be good here.” Which in the next time makes my mom feels horrible every time she remembers it.

I remember, my grand dad, who also passed away about 6 months ago, ever said at his sister’s funeral, which is 4 months before his own death, that “afiah” or العافية means not only get your body n soul in a healthy condition, but also means (udh mulai susah nih pake bahasa inggris, pake bahasa indonesia aja ya?) terhindarnya diri kita dr hal-hal yg ga kita pengen. Which i understand that ‘death’ is also included as ‘afiah’, because, maaan, who wants to live under a painful sick?

Okeey i know that this is ‘afiah’ for my dad also but, maaaaaaan, i just havent had great times with him yet.

He wont see my graduation day. He wont taste my first salary. He wont be there at my wedding. He wont be here, on my side, for the rest of my life.

Life is all about to leave,

And to be left.

أنا أريد,و أنت تريد, والله يفعل ما يريد.

(I know my ennglish is sooooooooooo bad, correction is waited)

@suncaaay